Well, I'm in Houston. I finished out my summer camp in Austin and Saturday was my first day back in Houston. If you follow me on facebook you probably have caught on to the fact that I am not happy about being here. Truth be told, it's not that I am not happy. I love my family and I love being close to them. I love how patient they are with me, because I am kind of the black sheep (or at least that's how I feel). It's not that I am not happy. It's just that I fit in so much better in Austin. It is easier to express my creativity and different-ness there. I can "let my freak- flag fly," so to speak. It's difficult to explain unless you have lived in Austin. Austin is small and easy to navigate through (I am an awful driver) and everyone is friendly and interesting. I feel so...blah in Houston with the humidity and oil&gas and wanna- be- Mexican food in Katy. Downtown Houston has good food probably, but downtown is sooo far away. I never thought I would really care where I lived. Well, I guess I would care. What I really mean is that I didn't think I would really have any kind of attachment to a place. A city is a city. It's a place you live. I suppose when the city you live in grows and intertwines with the person that you are, it is difficult to break away. Despite all of this, as my dear Aunt Amy said in her blog, it's time "to put my big girl panties on." So bring it on, Houston!
I am still essentially job-less. Hooray! I love it!
Yeah, that wasn't very convincing. I have had more interviews this summer than I can count. I have sent out so many resumes and filled out so many applications. You'd think that maybe I would have landed a job by now, right?! Wrong. I have actually been offered several jobs, but I turned them down because none of them were just what I wanted. That's either very dumb of me or very admirable of me. Either the pay wasn't enough or the hours weren't what I wanted or I'd have to give them my thumbs and half of my left eye ball. I have a bachelor's degree (which hardly means anything these days, which is why I'm going back to get my Master's degree in a few years...either U of H or somewhere cool like Seattle or Maine), I want to work full time, and I want to be challenged. Based on those three things, I feel like I should have endless opportunities. Being a white female living in middle America sure does make one feel a tad entitled, huh?! There should be employers knocking down my door with 401k's and benefits in hand to give me, right?! Wrong. Turns out I have to compete and be the best and work tirelessly if I want the best. Go figure. I'm accepting that it's a journey and that I will get there eventually. And thanks to my wonderful parents, I'm able to take a little time and figure out what it is I'm going to do.
I have big plans. BIG plans, y'all. I'll tell you what, blog-world: being homeless, with no money or resources for several months gives you a whole new perspective on life. Okay, I wasn't entirely homeless. I was bouncing around from place to place, living at a different friends' house in Austin from week to week with one suitcase and my school bag. It was as close to homelessness as I think my family would ever let me get. But it was liberating. It was fascinating. It makes you realize just how little you could get by with. It makes you enjoy so much more the times you share with the people you love. It helps you see the world in a whole new light.
And really, all I saw was beautiful.
That's what I see when I look at you--only beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThere are many black sheep in this family. When we were all younger - I was the black sheep and didnt really fit in with my siblings. As you get older you will find that most of that changes - and just doesnt matter anymore - and most likely it didnt matter "back then" either.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe even each of us felt like a black sheep in our own way - that we didnt fit in with each other. Its ok to be different - its ok to make your own choices - its called growing up. You just have to remember not to step on everyone around you as you do it. Its harder than you think.
I'm absolutely my family's black sheep.
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